Hard tellin’, not knowin’.

December 12, 2010

And so I’m back…from outer space. Well, actually, I’m back from Cape Cod. I finally moved and I’m finally blogging again. So much has changed in my life since I last blogged. I don’t have any clue how to catch everyone up so I’ll try to come up with this synopsis:

  1. I got divorced. It was a major ass pain, but pretty quick as far as marriage ending things go.
  2. I got involved with a fuck wad guy named Mike and moved in with him for awhile, until that went to hell, too.
  3. Simultaneously moved in with one of my very best friends, Eric, and had a mental breakdown. Seriously, it started on moving day. But enough about that…I’m sure that’ll come back up (like bile) in future posts.
  4. The mental breakdown caused me to do something very drastic…move back to my hometown of St. Louis.
  5. I reunited with old friends and there was much merriment and rejoicing. Eben has been loving St. Louis and even my dog seems to be happy here. Hey, what can I say? His happiness is important to me.
  6. I met my current boyfriend, Jamie, on June 9th (one day before what would have been my wedding anniversary) and despite my horrific track record, we seem to be doing really well together.
  7. I have become addicted to quilting/sewing and this blog is a way for me to ween myself off of my own personal sweat shop.

So there you go. I left out gigantic chunks o’ stuph, obviously, and perhaps I’ll be able to get back to that stuff or maybe I’ll just let everything rot in the past and concentrate on my fresh new present. As they say on Cape Cod, “It’s hard tellin’, not knowin’.”

In a week, I’ll be heading back to the Cape with Eben for Christmas. I’m actually really excited to go, which is a great sign of healing because I couldn’t think about going back without PTSD-like symptoms kicking my ass as little as a few months ago. It’s a testament to how well things are going in my life. It’s also a testament to how much I love and miss Eric and my parents. Eric especially. He’s been a constant part of my life and Eben’s for so long that it just feels weird not having him around. I thought I would miss him less as time went on but actually the opposite has happened. At any rate, I plan on spending a significant amount of time just drinking beer with him at the house while the dogs give us reasons to mock them.

That’s all for now. I have to ease into this. Oh, and since I last wrote an entry here, I’ve started smoking again. I blame the fuck wad Mike.


Six Degrees of Describulation (and other news)

January 11, 2007

Any of you ambling (ha–funny) over from Myspace will probably know what I’m talking about. I was doing 6 degrees of separation. You know…click on a friend and click on one of their friends and so on and see who you end up with.

It’s scary. Sometimes in a good way sometimes not. It’s heartening to know that people really do have as motley a crew as I do, though (or at least have friends who do).

[ Sorry, I really needed brackets right here. I forgot to post the warning. You know, the one where I say I’m exhausted and coming off of a horrible flu that involved SYMPTOMS if you know what I mean and therefore will probably ramble and not make much sense. If you’re a first time reader, this warning may give you the hopeful sensation that the next entry you read might actually be worth the click it took you to get here. Hope’s so misleading, isn’t it? So, carry on, warned-ones.] I so love brackets.

OY! I actually have to scroll up to find where I was. Oh yeah! So I was on a friend of my friend Joe’s site. This guy had used his blog space as kind of a platform for showing some photos he’s taken which were all wonderful. The odd thing was that in the midst of all of the arresting photos, there were some of Cape Cod. Now, I live on Cape Cod so I was familiar with these locales. There was something about the way he shot the images though, that really made me homesick. For the Cape. It’s a difficult sensation to describe (I accidentally wrote “describle.” I should have left it!) but it was kind of cool, kind of miserable.

Through these photos, I saw the Cape the way I saw it when I first came up here at age 19. It was so soothing. Now, it’s…cluttered.

And while it really has become sort of cluttered in the 3 years since I was 19 (!) it’s not thatbad. Those photos were recently taken, actually. I guess I just miss something being new. A place being full of possiblility.

The Cape has gotten pretty stale to me. It’s been good to me for sure, it just keeps on givin’, really, but feeling like you’ve nothing new to explore in a place makes you feel old.

So, humph, now I want to move. All because of a picture of some guy I’ve never met.


It appears that I have the only dog that dreams about drinking water. It’s really funky to watch…he does it a lot. This is the same dog that gets hiccups every other hour so I guess it makes a certain amount of sense.