I can’t believe it’s not budder.

January 7, 2007

Something weird is happening. I’m writing things in odd ways. For example, “wonce” instead of “once.” Is it because I’ve been reading a lot of Eben’s “dedly” writing?

Or could it be…a brain tumor? No, no. Let’s talk about something else.

In other news, I just found out that a little pat of butter contains 100 calories! 100 calories!!! Pass the crack, I think it’s better for me.

When I smoked, the most precious time for me and my little nics was in the morning, over coffee. That was all I had for breakfast. I know, I know…ew. But who hasn’t been in a bad relationship? 

Since I’ve given up cigarettes, I’ve taken up breakfast and what I’ve really come to enjoy is a bagel with butter that I dunked in my sweet, oh so sweet, coffee. It was great! Simple pleasures, right? Yeah, me and Paris Hilton.

But now I just discovered that my little ritual is costing me 400-500 calories, not counting (why was I just suddenly convinced that the word counting had an apostrophe in it? I’m dying.) the calories in the massive amounts of sugar I put in my coffee. This means, God’s children, that all of my exercising…my sweat, my toil…doesn’t even undo the damage I’ve done eating a breakfast I wasn’t even hungry for in the first place! How did I miss this butter thing? During my short stint modelling, I had an anorexic’s awareness of calories, but I don’t remember this butter nightmare. I must have avoided butter altogether.

So I’m getting fat on butter-saturated crumbs. Meanwhile, I have two runner friends who seem to be able to put anything into their perfectly sculpted faces and it turns into beautiful, marble-like flesh, whereas I put rice cakes in my maw only to have it turn into marshmallow fluff on my thighs.

I hate runners, I hate the butter industry, I hate mornings.

 I still like coffee though, and I’m working really hard to convince myself that some Pollander’s Allfruit is just the yummy goodness I need to greet the day.

Oh, PS- My neck is better! Yay me!!