Pain in the neck

January 5, 2007

I have this really weird thing that happens to me sometimes (like now, for example) : My neck spasms for no particular reason and then I’m stuck in a position that has me looking at my left foot for about 3 days if left untreated. Exciting as my left foot is, I’ve elected to do this instead. I just spread out on the couch and put a computer between my face and my left foot….simple.

I know you’re thinking, “Oh good! It’s about time she blogged!” I’m really irritated, too, because this neck bullcrap has gotten in the way of my writing my note to the horse-poo simpleton. Also, it was a fantastic day today, temp-wise. I really wanted to be out there, burning some calories by leaping over dung heaps like so many hurdles. I guess this just isn’t my day.

Instead, I hung around the house in excruciating agony. At one point I wanted to get off the couch but my neck had frozen in the position it was in and every time I tried to move it, tears kept trying to jump from my eyes.  <Blatent attempt at sympathy>

Also, I discovered that while a 12 week old German Shepherd puppy may be wonderful in general, it is an ASS PAIN if you can be pain free only when looking at your left shoe.

The eldest Corgi (makes him sound more dignified than he is considering lately he’s been walking around with poo stuck to his butt….WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT POO LATELY?) can go upstairs but is too scared to come down. Well, he ran upstairs an hour ago, but my neck (and the fact that he’s got poo-butt) prevents me from carrying him down. I guess George will have to do that (heh!)  after he comes home with Taco Bell (Shut up. Taco Bell is calorie-free when your neck is in spasm. Look it up.)

So I was watching this show on National  Geographic and I realized that, although I loved them as a kid, I now think they’re terrible.  Anyone who believes in some sort of sweet natured lovable God should watch these fuckin’ things. Seriously. Either the baby zebra is horribly mauled or the baby lion starves to death. Survival of the fittest is right. Pretty terrible. I actually found myself feeling sorry for an ant who was being tricked and then eaten alive by some sort of grub-looking creature. Bah. Now I’m really really depressed.

Oh goodie. George is here with Taco Bell.


HEAR YE HEAR YE

January 5, 2007

Now you may subscribe to my blog of infinite wisdom. Move your little eyeballs to the right (your right, not my right 🙂 ) and you’ll see, in the sidebar, a slot to enter in your e-mail address.

Now you’ll have a little slice o’ goodness delivered directly to your inbox, all clean and ready to delete!


A chalk outline of my plan for today

January 5, 2007

I’ve got something important to do today and it involves chalk.

Most of you know that I’ve been running/walking/riding on the bike trail from Eastham to Orleans pretty much every day. For those of you that don’t know, the bike trail is really popular with exercisers (OUT SATAN) as well as dog-walkers and rubber-neckers. Some use it simply as a highway into Orleans that doesn’t involve (too much) car exhaust.

I like to use the trail for exercise and dog-walking, and I’m pretty damn good about making sure that my dog’s poo is picked up from the trail, even though all of my dogs go off of the path to do their bidness. I do this not because I think someone’s going to veer off the paved path and into my dog’s puddin’. I don’t do this because it’s fun carrying around a “poo-purse” for the duration of my jaunt.

I do this because if I don’t, and other dog owners don’t, then it is likely that we will lose our privilidge of walking our dogs there, and frankly, in the tourist season there just aren’t enough cool places to do that.  If everyone thinks they’re the exception to the rule then there is no rule and the trail is covered in shiite, end o’ story.

Except it’s not the end of the story!

Yesterday I was riding my bike at high speed and I saw a gaggle of geese flying towards me. Loudly. So I looked up and over at them and when I looked back at the road….HORSE SHIT!! A huge ant-hill pile of horse crap in the MIDDLE of the path.

So I veered wildly, almost losing my balance. Had I fallen, I would have likely landed  in the poo as well as seriously injuring myself despite the obvious cushioning effect that horse dung undoubtedly has.

So, Grr.

For the past week or so I’ve been noticing horse poo on the bike trail. At first one pile…then a couple….but now this ass is really letting it fly.

It. Pissed. Me. Off.

A total of 5 (!) piles of excrement in my 7 mile ride, all of them within the two middle miles. So I rode for a long time trying to figure out how to alert this stupid horse rider that I, um, don’t like him/her. I envisioned me riding 3 miles in with a big wooden sign and hammer hooked on my back but that didn’t seem feasible as I keep dropping my cell phone, let alone a big piece of wood.

Then it occurred to me: CHALK! No need to fear vandalism charges, and it’s so lightweight! Yay me.

So I asked George to pick up some colored sidewalk chalk at the store for me and he said, “Colored?” and I said,  “Yes–the brighter the better.” This may be the one time that pink would be good for me. 

So he came home with white and I said, “Didn’t they have colored chalk?” And he said, “Oh, did you want colored chalk?” Sigh.

Anyway.

My plan for today is to ride into the heart of Mr. Ed’s territory and, in two directions, scrawl this:

ATTENTION HORSE PERSON:

Why do I have to clean up after my 30 pound dog yet you don’t have to clean up after your 1 ton horse?

Get a drop bag or a shovel.

If I see you here without one of those things, I will throw your horse’s poo at your face.

Remember, if the poo is not there, I won’t be able to throw it. 

Have a nice day.

There are circumstances that have added to my bitchiness lately, yes. But I’ve really gotten tired of taking people’s shit. Ha. Really, no pun intended.


Tell me your secrets; I won’t tell you mine.

January 3, 2007

I found this website, http://postsecret.blogspot.com.

It’s an interesting idea and I wish I’d thought of it. People create a postcard pertaining to their deepest and darkest secret and send it in to this guy via snailmail, and he posts them every Sunday. Some of them are really amazing.

Here’s an example: pregnant.jpeg

Not all of them are that intense; some are funny.

I’m trying to think of what secret I have that would be worth sending in.  Ooooo. I have one. A GOOD one. A really good one, that all of you would like to know. Or maybe there’s that other one, involving someone we all know.

 Mwah-ha-ha!!!


Virgin Post

January 3, 2007

Hello children. I’ve moved from Myspace Blogville to here. I’ve decided that this is more user-friendly and, hey, maybe even reader-friendly. Plus I can post videos! Yip and Yee! Please leave comments ’cause they’re fun and they show me that you care.

 Oh! And bookmark this page as favorite of yours because there is going to be some magical opinionizing and bullshittin’ and you’re going to want to check back often.


Okay, time for virgin video.

January 3, 2007

If all goes well, then we will have my first  posting of a video on a blog. I happen to love the Mac vs. PC commercials and these are some of my favorites:

 HA! It worked! Goody, here are some more. Eventually,  I’ll be putting my own brand of commentary into the videos I post but these commercials speak for themselves. I think I have a little crush on Mac….

and last but not least: